adrenaline.

we went whitewater rafting a couple weeks ago. and we came face to face with a bear on a hike. so i guess now it would only make sense that we are adrenaline junkies. trying to get our fix off of anything and everything. so monday night we went to the kiddy pool at the rec center to try and curb our cravings for adventure. and guess what? i couldn't even jump off the kiddy high dive. i mean, i did, eventually. but I owe my success to the 10 attempts of walking to the edge and back and also to the 6 kids under 46 inches cheering me on.

so i guess you could say i'm back to being boring old, two feet on the ground, heart rate at a low 60 bpm, melissa.

hazel rae.

dear hazel.

seven weeks ago you were born. so i guess you could say seven weeks ago was your birthday. your actual day. you made it just in time baby girl. we needed you here. did you know that day was amazing? martin luthur king jr day. one of my most favorite monday holidays. you were the cutest, most beautiful. all squeaky and new. i couldn't wait to snuggle you so i ripped you from your mom's arms and held you and kissed your cheeks for as long as i could. your eyes were wide open when we first met while my eyes were full of tears. 

i can't wait, hazel rae, to spoil you for your whole life and to love you even more. we're the luckiest to have you here.

part one: confessions of a diet coke addict.

the other night whilst we were sound asleep in our bed. not a creature was even stirring. all the sudden we are awoken by some sort of clatter. danny got up to see what was the matter. and i was just completely freaked out. thinking we were getting robbed. and then not being scared anymore once i realized no one would rob us, we have like two things. after he searched the house we just came to the conclusion that someone, somewhere, must have dropped a bag of marbles. so we went back to sleep. guess what it ended up being? some idiot (me) put a diet coke in the freezer and forgot about it. so for the last 2 days i've just been cleaning up frozen diet coke. 

just some stuff.

i'm still thinking about the oscars and it's been like over a week. i don't care what anyone says adele is like the songbird of our generation. she killed it at the oscars. like i wish i could do that. also i feel like silver linings playbook should have received more awards. buuuut i guess i'll settle for jennifer lawrence falling up the stairs and winning best actress.

i've been practicing my headstand for yoga. and i know it probably sounds easy to all my readers (mom and erika, hi!), but i am STRUGGLING! i have been seriously working on it for over 3 months now and i can barely do it against the wall. i'm just so terrified of it for some reason. i'll keep you posted.

i did our taxes. for the first time ever. usually my mom does them for me, but i decided i should grow up. and i did them. and they got accepted. and i am just so happy. and i can't stop bragging about it to everyone that i meet. like random check out girl at the grocery store. i'm not joking. i seriously told a check out clerk at target. and i encouraged her to do her own too. like WHO AM I?

i'm obsessed with snap chat. i can't stop snap chatting. i'm pretty sure that is my pogo, i snap chat too much. (if you aren't sure what i just said, then i'm just real sorry).

i've been testing gum brands and flavors for the last week or so. my jaw hurts so much. but my breath is minty fresh.

later.

sis.

can i get serious for a minute and tell you about my baby sister? even though she is a grown woman with two babies, i will always see her as my little baby sis.

she is smart and talented. like really talented. she makes the simplest thing seem like the most beautiful. she has always been there for me. through everything. my little side kick and bff, even when we wanted to punch each other in the face. which i actually did do one time. what?

she is funny. like really really REALLY funny. i catch myself just laughing at everything she says.

she is loyal.

and i just love her a lot.

skiing.

we went on a ski trip this last weekend and it was such a good time. aside from skiing we went snowshoeing, toured temple square, shopped a lot, and ate food until we were pretty sure we would explode. plus we got stuck in a huge snow storm up cottonwood canyon and i have never been so scared in my life. i was shaking and almost in tears when we made it to the bottom.

i love spending time with danny. it's like my top favorite thing. making memories with him is the best thing i do.

this one time.

this one time. i was sitting in the living room. and my dad walks by with a hot dog in one hand and a 10 pound fish in the other. i never laughed so hard.

this one time. my dad kept telling me that i needed a pocket knife. he kept putting a camo colored one in my purse. and i kept taking it out. then finally i took it out and ran to the car. he chased me out and waved it at me as i drove away. he's never laughed so hard.

this one time. i came home with a fake glitter tattoo on my shoulder. my dad was sitting in the kitchen and i put on my best acting face and told him that i needed to tell him something. "i got a tattoo." he promptly stood up. walked me to my room. closed the door. and sternly said "don't tell your mom." then his face quickly changed to amusement and said "what tattoo did you get? this will be our secret." when he found out it was fake, we never laughed so hard.

i miss his laugh and i missing laughing because of him.

the one year mark came. and it was hard. and it was sad. and it almost felt like it was day one again. but somehow i feel inspired. i feel inspired by other's love and generosity. i feel inspired by kindness. i feel inspired by my dad's memory. by his legacy. by what he did in his short time here on earth. and even more inspired by all that he did for me in the short time he was in my life.

weekendz.

hi you guyz. so in case you didn't know, danny and i had to buy a new battery for the jeep this weekend. and that's how i found another reason that being an adult is stupid. if you didn't know danny and i only have one car. and normally i'm sure this wouldn't be a big deal. but we're not normal. danny works in springville and i work the furthest north in provo you can go. so it's not that fun. and spending money on gas is even worse. the plan last december when i sold my car was to just get a new one. 9 months later after going back and forth on which one i wanted, i decided this week is the week that i'm gonna woman up and just go get what i want. keep your fingers crossed.

we saw the movie looper. i was really mad that i had to go cause i wanted to see pitch perfect. so i threw a fit and said the only thing that would calm me down was a big drink and kettle corn. and cafe rio. and a new shirt. i only got two of those things. but i would say a 50% success rate for a woman with my demands is pretty good. anyway i only felt guilty for a minute once i realized looper is my new favorite flick. yeah there were weird cheesy parts, but i was oddly into it, and i'll probably see it again.

danny got the iphone 5. i am only a lot jealous. but mostly just happy for him. he has been waiting for the iphone 5 since i met him. seriously i don't know why, but he had his mind set on it and even when the 4 and the 4s came out he wouldn't budge. he waited it out. but get this, he had a FLIP PHONE before this. seriously, a flip phone. so i am happy he has upgraded. but also, get this. he used up all his data in 3 days. OOPS. so he is on probation until the 8th. 

bye.

fair.

danny and i went to the fair this saturday night instead of watching the byu vs utah game. i know, i seriously don't know how i managed to dodge the game, but i did! so anyway. we headed up there with his brother ian and his girlfriend. grabbed some delish food at california pizza kitchen and then went to the fair. we got to see all the animals. and i tried my best not to be completely terrified. i have a confession, bunnies terrify me. i can't help it. they freak me out. but the goats were cute and i liked the cows. the only thing that could have made the night better was a churro. but no luck.

one.

danny and i celebrated our one year of marriage in new york city. it was the best time. we ate so many delicious foods and did so much PDA. i was in heaven. sorry for the mushy stuff, but i am completely smitten with my love. we had a different first year than most. suffering the biggest loss of the most influential man of my life was the hardest and is the hardest thing i've ever had to deal with. i feel lucky that my dad was able to meet and approve of danny. i'm happy he left me in good hands. danny is my rock and my happiness. he has helped me with each hard day and is the reason for each best day. i love him with all the love i am able to muster. i picked a good one. happy one year baby boop bop bop.

ps. i'll post more about our new york trip. some day. when i have enough energy to sort through the pics.

hot.

it's hot in our apartment. like really hot. we have no ac. no window cooler units. we have two ceiling fans and, thanks to my mom, one standing fan. it is miserable. like i'm pretty sure hell will be like this. and the more i grow up the more i am in tune with what puts me in an instant bad mood. number one, hunger. number two, tiredness. number three, heat. and the problem is when all these three things happen at once it is like an explosion of melissa hormones and no one is really safe.

anyway. i don't know where i was going with that.

oh yeah.

i wanted to complain.

lady.

i got called a lady.

you guys it was seriously mortifying. like i practically passed out. i was sitting in line waiting for the dark night. we were about 3 groups from the front. danny had left to get treats and so i was sitting alone. minding my own business. when i reached for my bag and a huge phone came soaring over the crowd and hit me on the hand. it hurt. but i wasn't too pissed about it until i hear some 17 year old girls start saying "oh my gosh you hit that lady!" i looked over figuring i'd see that some lady got hit. when i realized. they. were. talking. about. ME! they had hit that "lady". the lady was me. i picked up the phone and this 17 year old boy looked at me and said "sorry!". i muttered something under my breath and tossed it back, purposely throwing it so he would have to move a lot to retrieve it. i was beyond upset. but mostly embarrassed. my hand hurt, but my ego hurt worse. couldn't they have called me a girl? please. can't i still be a girl? not a lady? a stuffy, OLD lady i was.

since then i've come to deal with the fact that i'm a lady. but i'm pretty sure they meant it like "muh lady" like on downton abbey. so i'll just live with that.

braggin.

danny booked our flights to new york. i've never been and all i know is i am saving my pennies. like literally every penny i am putting in the piggy bank. i'm gonna eat so much shake shack and shop so much clothes. it is going to be my best time.

it's my mom's birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. i am bringing her a diet coke for lunch. route 44. with lime. with my sonic fanatic sticker she bought me for christmas. what a mom! she is the greatest mom. so mommy. so funny. so friendly. so beautiful. i hope i'm funny and friendly and beautiful like her one day. so raise your glass ya'll! a toast, to my mama. hope your day is the happiest!

i went crazy shopping the other day. so i guess i lied before. i am not saving EVERY penny. a girl's gotta have some clothes. i CANNOT go naked all summer. that would be insane. anyway, i shopped and then i dropped. really. had to take a nap and then i woke up and i had traveled through time and i was mad cause haven't you ever been mad after a nap? maybe it's just me. but then i remembered i had a new shirt to wear. and then. bam. all was well in the world. and my nap headache madness was no more.

i am looking forward to the weekend. right? i mean, i should be. i want to try out this new restaurant by my house called "the black sheep". they sell navajo tacos. i've got a thing for navajo tacos i think. so we will probably go there on friday, maybe saturday. then i will probably force danny to go to the pool. he is so freaked to get a sunburn so i have to make sure to pack the sunscreen. i'm not scared. only ever had a sunburn on my nose. and that was after i was in the lake powell heat for 7 days. 7 days straight i soaked up the rays. and i'll have to tell you more about that trip sometime. it was so sketchy. but so fun. plus i jumped out of a helicopter into the LAKE! only then did i realize that i can't really swim that well. whatevs. stay tuned.

adventure.

i'm so excited for the warm weather. the other morning, on our drive to work, danny and i were talking about all the things we wanted to do this summer. he started getting crazy saying he wanted us to go mountain biking and repelling. i got all into it and said i wanted us to do so many adventurous and crazy things too. like, ride our bikes to the park and have a picnic... we couldn't stop laughing. park and a picnic? i sure now how to live life on the edge.

slugo.

 
my dad found this snail. he made a home for him. and then he called him slugo. kinda like how he found me. made a home for me. and called me daughter.

remember.

dear dad,

I've been thinking about you a lot. obviously. about your sweet heart and contagious laugh. oh that laugh, dad. how much the world will miss it. how much I will miss it. 

remember almost 15 years ago. remember when you made one woman and two girls the luckiest in the world? remember how I whispered in your ear asking you if it would be okay for me to call you "dad"? you smiled your million dollar smile and told me you would be honored. oh how you stole my heart from the beginning. how you will always have a piece of it.  

a few years later. remember. we made it official? what a brave human to adopt Erika and I. what were you thinking? so so brave. we made you own that title as dad through our teenage years, didn't we? 

your life was so full. remember you told me? you love your grand kids intensely. you took no moment with family for granted. your beautiful wife. oh how you adore her. remember that light in your eyes every time you looked at her? what a relationship to be envied! you love and respect each other fiercely and without question. 

my wedding day. remember how we didn't get a photo just you and I? how that didn't get captured we're not really sure. but remember at the temple when you told me you loved me? that you were proud of me. and that Danny was an amazing man. I'm
pretty sure you even told me he was good enough for me. remember when Danny asked you if he could marry me? he told me you said that you grew a flower every year just for me. and that you guard that flower and protect that flower. that I am your flower and now it's time for Danny to take care of that flower. to take care of me and protect me. at the time I thought you were being funny, I'll admit. maybe even trying to scare him a bit. but now? now I cherish those words. if I was a flower you must have been the sun. you had to have been. remember when I was leaving our wedding reception I couldn't find you? I wanted to say goodbye. you were in the kitchen eating a cake pop. obviously. you hugged me and as I walked away you said "hey! you're my best friend!" I laughed. and you said "really." 

remember how much you taught me? you taught me to be strong. strong for my mom and strong for my baby sister. you taught me to be nice. to be extraordinarily nice. I'm still working on that one. but actually you taught me that too--that being a good person is a work in progress. never stop trying to be better. you taught me that no moment is too small to celebrate no obstacle too hard to tackle-- face first. you taught me to be "slow to judge and quick to forgive" (you said that to me about two years ago and I've thought of it often). to forgive no matter the event. no matter the heartache caused. no matter the time lost. to forgive and to mean it. to forgive and to never look back. you know what else you taught me? to be myself. and to not be afraid. not be afraid to stand up for what I believe in. to not care what people whisper about me from afar. but to be one hundred percent authentically myself. you know this list of things you taught me could go on forever. and it will go on forever, I'm sure. I will learn things from you for the rest of my life. because in life and in death you have taught me the meaning of this life. and for that, I will be forever grateful. 

I will never ever ever forget. 

love,

mel mel.

val.

you guys. happy valentine's day! i go back and forth on how i feel about this day. i mean excuses for more presents, count me in! oh gosh. was that me who just wrote that? i'm a fool. i'm straight turning into a present hungry real housewife of utah county. not a good look.

i think pinterest is ruining my life. honestly. hear me out. but there are so many crafts, and dinners, and party ideas my head practically explodes every time i got on there. and consider this, my craftiness is slim to none. so me and pinterest are like enemies.

i had my first bad experience at cafe rio. and i think i probably won't go there for a week. which is a long time for an addict like me. but the food was actually, dare i say, gross? so i'm just not sure if i can trust them for the next week. maybe five days if i am feeling forgiving.

i'm looking forward to the three day weekend. i am going to go crazy celebrating presidents.

spouse.

danny made lasagna over the weekend. from scratch. i about passed out from how good it was. plus he cleaned the house while i was in the shower. he took me to "the vow" and pretended to love it. got up early on saturday morning to give me a ride to yoga. bought me yogurtland, twice. and this morning when the alarm went off he yelled "happy six month-aversary!"

braggin.

thought.

there are two types of people who work out. there are those who wipe off their cardio machine once they're done. and then there are the worst people in the world.

gag.

werk.

i'm not sure when it happened. but i know it had to have been recently. but everyone started wearing jeans and t shirts to work in my department. but i swear the dress code is business casual. i'm way confused. and i really want to wear jeans to work.

every time i wear a ponytail one of my coworkers (an older male) tells me "hey, i like your pony." and then right then and there i promise myself i will never wear a ponytail again.

i'm pretty sure someone walked by my desk and let one go yesterday. and i was on the phone so i couldn't really process what was happening. but once i hung up i straight sprinted out of there. how disgusting.