remember.

dear dad,

I've been thinking about you a lot. obviously. about your sweet heart and contagious laugh. oh that laugh, dad. how much the world will miss it. how much I will miss it. 

remember almost 15 years ago. remember when you made one woman and two girls the luckiest in the world? remember how I whispered in your ear asking you if it would be okay for me to call you "dad"? you smiled your million dollar smile and told me you would be honored. oh how you stole my heart from the beginning. how you will always have a piece of it.  

a few years later. remember. we made it official? what a brave human to adopt Erika and I. what were you thinking? so so brave. we made you own that title as dad through our teenage years, didn't we? 

your life was so full. remember you told me? you love your grand kids intensely. you took no moment with family for granted. your beautiful wife. oh how you adore her. remember that light in your eyes every time you looked at her? what a relationship to be envied! you love and respect each other fiercely and without question. 

my wedding day. remember how we didn't get a photo just you and I? how that didn't get captured we're not really sure. but remember at the temple when you told me you loved me? that you were proud of me. and that Danny was an amazing man. I'm
pretty sure you even told me he was good enough for me. remember when Danny asked you if he could marry me? he told me you said that you grew a flower every year just for me. and that you guard that flower and protect that flower. that I am your flower and now it's time for Danny to take care of that flower. to take care of me and protect me. at the time I thought you were being funny, I'll admit. maybe even trying to scare him a bit. but now? now I cherish those words. if I was a flower you must have been the sun. you had to have been. remember when I was leaving our wedding reception I couldn't find you? I wanted to say goodbye. you were in the kitchen eating a cake pop. obviously. you hugged me and as I walked away you said "hey! you're my best friend!" I laughed. and you said "really." 

remember how much you taught me? you taught me to be strong. strong for my mom and strong for my baby sister. you taught me to be nice. to be extraordinarily nice. I'm still working on that one. but actually you taught me that too--that being a good person is a work in progress. never stop trying to be better. you taught me that no moment is too small to celebrate no obstacle too hard to tackle-- face first. you taught me to be "slow to judge and quick to forgive" (you said that to me about two years ago and I've thought of it often). to forgive no matter the event. no matter the heartache caused. no matter the time lost. to forgive and to mean it. to forgive and to never look back. you know what else you taught me? to be myself. and to not be afraid. not be afraid to stand up for what I believe in. to not care what people whisper about me from afar. but to be one hundred percent authentically myself. you know this list of things you taught me could go on forever. and it will go on forever, I'm sure. I will learn things from you for the rest of my life. because in life and in death you have taught me the meaning of this life. and for that, I will be forever grateful. 

I will never ever ever forget. 

love,

mel mel.